Because of my own decades of addiction, my wife suffered a great deal of Betrayal Trauma. There's a very special place in my heart for all women how find themselves in this awful and unfair place. As I help my clients through their individual healing processes, I find many situations where, very understandably and legitimately, women can find themselves "stuck" in the pain of Betrayal Trauma and unable to move forward. If you or someone you love is in this terribly difficult place, here are some insights that may help—
- There's a "grieving process" that is a necessary and essential part of facing the pain and beginning to move forward. This grieving is very individual and does not fit neatly into a rigid formula nor timing.
- Many women (and men who suffer from trauma) feel that they don't "have a voice," and are not being "heard" nor acknowledged or validated. Often, due to their families or origin and/or years in a dysfunctional marriage relationship, they never learned HOW to have a voice.
- Not having a voice or not being heard can create both Betrayal Trauma AND addiction!
- In speaking our truth, there are always "communication realities or truths" that don't align with our expectations or a "check-the-box" approach.
- Move through and healing from trauma does NOT follow a standard timeline and there is no universal manual that determines what is normal or expected as it relates to healing--it takes what it takes.
- In our healing processes, we CAN learn new, proactive, effective communication skills, find our individual voices and begin to STAND UP and advocate for ourselves and others!
- Through the healing and recovery processes, we can "lean into the pain" and help each other as spouses to move forward to find peace, fulfillment and connection.
Here's a recent PBSE Podcast where Mark and Steve talk more about how to move forward when we find ourselves stuck in pain and trauma—